


In Every Lifetime

by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot)



Series: Twinyards Appreciation Week [22]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - The Old Guard (Movie 2020) Fusion, Angst with a Happy Ending, Immortality, M/M, Reincarnation, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27336820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortheloveofcamelot/pseuds/Leahelisabeth
Summary: The first time Andreas meets Nathaniel is in a vision.  It’s so vivid it hardly feels like a dream at all.  He can taste the blood in the air, and hear the dying screams of so many around him.  He’s in the middle of a battle; it rages on but it’s already over for him.Andreas is intimately familiar with this feeling: the limbs growing cold, the dizziness as all the blood in his body spills into the dirt, the tearing pain that makes it hard to breathe.  When he looks down, it is not his body.  He sees unfamiliar scars and legs just a little too long.  He is seeing someone else’s death.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Twinyards Appreciation Week [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/858608
Comments: 29
Kudos: 206
Collections: Twinyards Appreciation Week 2020





	In Every Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day 3 of Twinyards Appreciation Week: Souls.

**1.**

The first time Andreas meets Nathaniel is in a vision. It’s so vivid it hardly feels like a dream at all. He can taste the blood in the air, and hear the dying screams of so many around him. He’s in the middle of a battle; it rages on but it’s already over for him.

Andreas is intimately familiar with this feeling: the limbs growing cold, the dizziness as all the blood in his body spills into the dirt, the tearing pain that makes it hard to breathe. When he looks down, it is not his body. He sees unfamiliar scars and legs just a little too long. He is seeing someone else’s death.

A moment later, he feels something else, something he didn’t expect, the first gasp of renewed life. The one in his vision opens his eyes and Andreas catches a glimpse of a familiar city wall before the connection is severed and he’s sucked back into his own awareness just in time to feel a sword going through his gut.

“Fuck,” Andreas swears, his own sword falling from his hand. He takes a step closer, driving the blade deeper so he can snap the soldier’s neck in retribution before yanking the sword out, falling, and letting the world fade out.

Nothing has changed when he wakes up. He’s up and running immediately, trying to remember landmarks from his vision. He had been looking up at the wall where it was scorched with fire, perhaps a hundred feet from where he had been stabbed.

Andreas doesn’t know if he’ll recognize the one from his vision when he sees him, but he has to figure out what this means.

Battles are always chaos, so Andreas looks for someone holding still. The maelstrom swirls around him and parts to reveal a man, a Trojan soldier, staring down at his bloodstained hands in confusion. He looks up and, like a magnetic force, their eyes lock.

Another soldier comes between them, slicing the man’s neck open to release a fountain of blood. He crumples. Andreas is already moving: throwing him over his shoulder, carrying him from the battlefield. The war is already decided, with or without him.

He manages to escape without dying again. He has a boat stashed on the shore, hidden in the reeds. He’s learned long ago to always have an escape plan in place. One day spent lying among the dead as the enemy looted the corpses around him was more than enough. The man doesn’t wake up until they are far from shore. Andreas had forgotten how long it had taken the first few times.

“Who are you?” the man asks, seemingly moments from jumping into the water.

“Andreas.” He stays at the far end of the boat, trying not to spook the other man. “You?”

The man thinks for a moment, looking back at the shore with a wild light in his eyes. “Nathaniel,” he finally says. “Why am I here?’

“Nathaniel,” Andreas says. “Have you ever wished for immortality?”

* * *

It takes at least a year before Nathaniel stops sleeping with one eye open around Andreas. Andreas half expects to wake to find him gone at any moment, but eventually Nathaniel begins to settle down, to laugh, to tell his story.

Nathaniel had been raised to be a soldier. His sword had been put into his hands when he was very young and he had not been permitted to set it down.

Little by little, Andreas feels himself softening, opening up around Nathaniel. He never tells the whole story. Nathaniel knows he has been alive for a long time but he doesn’t know it’s been thousands of years. Nathaniel knows he had a brother once who had disappeared the night that Andreas died the first time. It’s strange to look at someone and feel certainty. For once, he can have a conversation without the constant awareness of mortality.

They’ve been together five years before Nathaniel kisses him for the first time. It’s been so long since Andreas let himself have this. Everyone he had kissed—everyone he had loved—before had been so fleeting, lost to the inexorable march of time.

For one thousand years, Andreas is happy. Nathaniel is at his side as empires rise and fall.

When it changes, Andreas doesn’t realize it at first. Nathaniel starts to pull away. He disappears for weeks at a time, and when he returns, he keeps himself at arm’s length. Sometimes, Andreas glances over and catches Nathaniel staring at him with a strange look in his eyes.

Andreas has never really learned how to start a conversation, but he’s always been good at starting fights.

The night it ends is no different from any other night. Nathaniel makes supper and smiles across the fire at Andreas. He doesn’t pull away when Andreas tries to kiss him but stays, warm and willing in his arms.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Andreas says, not sure if it’s a plea or a command.

Nathaniel huddles close, burying his face in Andreas’ bare chest. “I don’t want to,” he says.

Pain squeezes Andreas’ heart. “Do you want to leave?” he asks.

“Andreas, no!” Nathaniel sits up, hovering over Andreas, alarm on his face. “If it were my choice, I would never leave you.”

“Then why?” Andreas asks.

Nathaniel lowers himself back down, pressing his face into the crook of Andreas’ neck, inhaling his scent. “I...I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he promises. “Will you hold me tonight?”

Andreas doesn’t understand but he presses Nathaniel close to his heart and drops a kiss on the top of his head in answer.

Nathaniel sighs. Andreas feels teardrops on his skin.

An arrow appears out of the darkness, narrowly missing Andreas’ shoulder. Andreas and Nathaniel spring up and apart as shadowy figures attack their camp.

Andrew fights fiercely. He is not afraid of dying but he resents that these bandits interrupted a moment.

Some are dead and the rest are fleeing when he hears Nathaniel call out for him in a choked voice. “Andreas.”

“I’ll be right back,” Andreas says, preparing to follow the bandits into the darkness.

“No,” Nathaniel shouts, his voice frantic. “Stay with me.”

Andreas turns to see Nathaniel on the ground, an arrow in his chest. He kneels beside Nathaniel and wraps a hand around the arrow shaft, preparing to pull it out so Nathaniel can heal.

Nathaniel puts his hand on top of Andreas’. “Don’t,” he whispers.

“What’s wrong?” Andreas asks, a stone forming in the pit of his stomach as Nathaniel continues to bleed.

“I wanted to stay with you forever,” Nathaniel says, choking on blood as it fills his throat.

“Why is this happening?” Andreas’ hands flutter helplessly over Nathaniel’s body.

“I don’t know,” Nathaniel replies, eyes full of sorrow. “I haven’t been healing for a while now.”

“You can’t just leave me,” Andreas weeps, leaning forward to press his forehead to Nathaniel’s.

“I don’t think I have a choice,” Nathaniel says softly, struggling to draw breath. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s too soon,” Andreas sobs.

“I love you,” Nathaniel says with his last breath.

Andreas is alone again.

**2.**

Andreas wanders for a long time. He remains alone. Without Nathaniel beside him, he throws himself into every fight that crosses his path, hoping every time that this one will be the one that releases him from a life alone.

When the Roman Empire builds the Colosseum, he is one of the first free men to enter the arena as a gladiator. Sometimes he feels cheap, dirty, for killing for entertainment. He lives in a modest house, and rejects the offers of wine and women. He is there to pit himself against the strongest fighters, not to win fame and glory.

Several months after coming to Rome, he has another vision. He is in a woman’s body this time. She is draped in red gauze and has strings of bronze bells around her ankles. She cries as the life is choked from her. She tries to fight back but the man holding her down is far too strong.

She returns to life in an alley behind the Temple of Diana, confused, alone, gasping for air.

Andreas drinks himself into a stupor. It’s better if he remains alone.

He’s distracted for his next fight. His opponent is new to the ring, but is quickly gaining a reputation for being vicious and lightning quick. Andreas finds himself caught off guard for the first time in weeks.

The man wears a helmet but very little armor, probably so it won’t slow him down. He gets a lucky hit in, tearing a gash across Andreas’ chest, before Andreas begins to fight in earnest.

They are very evenly matched. This stranger is impossibly good at predicting Andreas’ next move. They fight each other nearly to a standstill and Andreas has yet to leave a mark. No matter how good his opponent is, Andreas will always have the advantage; he does not fear death.

The next time his opponent lunges forward, sword aimed for Andreas’ heart, he stands and lets it find him. His opponent falters, clearly not expecting to hit his mark and, in that moment of surprise, Andreas sweeps his sword across the man’s throat.

His helmet falls off when he hits the ground; Andreas freezes in horror as he sees a familiar face. “Nathaniel,” he whispers.

Andreas tears the sword from his chest, not bothering to staunch the blood flow. He falls beside Nathaniel and they take their last breaths together.

Andreas wakes up. Nathaniel does not.

When he leaves the Colosseum, his feet take him toward the Temple of Diana. Suddenly, he can’t bear to be alone.

**3.**

Renee is a good companion. She keeps him from losing his mind and always knows when to speak to pull him out of his head and when to be silent. He doesn’t fall in love with her but she becomes a friend.

They try not to get involved in small skirmishes, but one night, nearly a thousand years after they first met, they wake to the sound of screams and the choking smell of smoke.

The village they had settled in is being attacked. The boats in the harbor are burning and strangers are looting homes and striking down anyone who dares oppose them.

Andrew has not decided if he will fight or flee when someone grabs him by the hand and drags him into the shadows. He turns and comes face to face with someone he never thought he would see again. “Aharon?” he chokes.

“Surprised?” Aharon asks. “Come with me if you want to live.”

“Wait,” Andreas says, pulling away. “My companion, a woman.”

“Leave her,” Aharon says. “If she doesn’t die tonight, it will be soon.”

“She’s like me,” Andreas argues. “I would rather not be separated from her.”

Aharon rolls his eyes. “Quickly. Erik will not wait long.”

Andreas has heard of Erik the Red, but he had not expected to meet him.

Renee finds them before they find her and Aharon brings them aboard one of the ships.

Andreas’ first impression of Erik the Red is that he’s a lot smaller than he expected. Then Erik turns and Andreas recognizes his face. “Nathaniel?” he gasps.

Erik looks at him, confused, before shaking his head and laughing. “You must have me confused with someone else,” he says.

Andreas wants to protest, but Erik is not Nathaniel, not anymore. He’s older than Andreas had ever seen him, and there is no recognition in his eyes.

“This is my brother, Andreas,” Aharon says. “And his wife, Renee.”

Andreas does not correct his brother’s misunderstanding. This is not the first time he and Renee have pretended to be husband and wife and it likely will not be the last.

“Your brother is an exceptional fighter,” Erik continues. “I could use more men like him on this voyage.”

“Where are you going?” Andreas asks.

Erik shrugs. “Somewhere new,” he says. “I keep looking for home but nowhere seems quite right. Perhaps across the sea, I will find a place to belong.”

Andreas nods; he recognizes the feeling.

“Aharon will show you where you can stay,” Erik dismisses them. “You should decide soon, before we set sail.”

Aharon leads them to his room below decks. “You can stay with me,” he says. Renee lies down immediately with her back turned to give them the illusion of privacy.

Andreas looks at his brother, unsure how to begin.

“I didn’t expect to see you alive,” Aharon says finally. “I saw your body.”

Andreas shrugs. “It didn’t take.”

“I must have woken up before you,” Aharon says. “The bandits who killed us were still nearby and I ran and hid. I regretted not taking your body but I had to survive. I didn’t know what it meant then that I was still alive.”

“It’s good to see you,” Andreas says.

Aharon nods. “I knew there were others but I haven’t looked for them. It’s easier to be alone.”

“I thought so too,” Andreas says, “for a long time.”

They lapse into silence then. Soon, Andreas joins Renee in sleep.

Andreas enjoys living on a ship. He hasn’t spent so much time at sea since before he met Nathaniel, but he takes to it like he’d never left.

As much as he wants to, it doesn’t feel right to stay. Erik has a wife, a daughter, and three grown sons. There is no place in his life for Andreas.

Andreas departs before they leave Greenland. He takes a small, cold comfort that in this life, he won’t have to watch Nathaniel die. At least this time, his brother is with him.

**4.**

Andreas wanders for a long time. He changes his name to Andrew so he doesn’t stick out as much. Sometimes Renee stays with him; sometimes she wanders off on her own. Aharon, now going by Aaron, does the same. They fight if they’re in close proximity for too long and, as much as the evidence might be to the contrary, Andrew doesn’t actually want to kill his brother.

They find another immortal. Her name is Katelyn and Aaron falls in love at first sight. Andrew doesn’t warn him what it feels like when it ends. He finds it hard to see their happiness, knowing that forever is just an illusion.

The three of them meet in Rome every decade or so. It’s just enough to stave off the loneliness. It doesn’t help with the boredom. The moment he has the chance to board a ship for the New World, he takes it.

New France is lonely and wild and perfect. It’s a struggle to survive, but his enemies are the elements and the rugged landscape and his weapons are his wits and tenacity. He meets the Huron people and they show him how to live off the land. They help him build his own cabin and he finds his place as a trapper and a trader.

He is alone for years, eating meat he caught himself, wearing furs he skinned and prepared, and he likes it that way.

One cold winter, he’s following his trap line when he sees a dark shape in the snow. At first, he thinks it must be an animal, but it moves and calls out for help in a weak voice.

Andrew rushes forward and lifts the figure, a man, out of the snow. He throws him over his shoulder and carries him back to his cabin.

The man is underdressed for the weather. His fur coat is tattered and torn, while his hands, feet, and face are bound only with thin flannel. He still breathes but he is no longer shivering from the cold. He is hypothermic and likely frostbitten; he will probably die but Andrew will do his best to save him first.

He puts a pot of water over the fire before stripping the man out of his clothes just inside the door. Andrew was right; the man’s fingers and toes are white with frostbite. His face is swollen and bruised as if he had been in a fight. Andrew thinks he might recognize him but pushes the thought away in the interest of saving his life.

He wraps the man tightly in blankets, leaving his hands and feet uncovered. The water is only just starting to steam so he fills a bowl and adds a little snow so it’s just barely warm. Carefully, he bathes the man’s hands and feet in the water, slowly thawing the frozen tissue until it turns red and feels warm to the touch. He bandages each finger and toe separately to keep them from sticking together and turns his attention elsewhere.

The man has started to shiver now and shows signs of waking up. The water has begun to boil and Andrew uses some of his precious tea leaves to steep two cups. He sets his own on the table by the bed and helps the man into a sitting position, sitting down behind him so the man can lean on his chest. It has been a long time since he has allowed another person so close to him; Andrew fights back tears at the memory.

The man is awake now but he is shivering too hard to control his movements and his hands are too weak to grasp the cup. Andrew slowly helps him sip the tea and the man’s shivers gradually subside. He falls asleep, still pillowed on Andrew’s chest.

Hours later, he wakes up. Andrew left him to sleep and now he sits by the lamp, sewing a pair of mittens out of rabbit fur.

“Where am I?” the man asks.

Andrew has been pushing down the feeling of recognition ever since he first saw the man’s face, but now that he’s heard his voice, his identity is unmistakable. This is Nathaniel; Andrew has found him again.

“Safe,” Andrew says. “I found you in the forest and brought you here.”

Nathaniel struggles to sit up. “Were you followed?” he asks. “There are people after me.”

Andrew shrugs. “It has been snowing since I brought you here. If they can follow my tracks, they are better woodsmen than I.”

“Is that a usual thing?” Nathaniel asks, a teasing note in his voice.

Andrew just glares at him.

Nathaniel puts his hands up in the air, wincing at the movement. “I’m sure you’re very good,” he says. “But you’re not the first to claim the title of the best trapper on the continent.”

“Not just this continent,” Andrew growls.

Nathaniel laughs. “I’m Alexander.”

Andrew flinches. For a moment, he’d forgotten that this was not really Nathaniel. “I’m Andrew,” he says gruffly. “You’re welcome to stay until you are healed.”

Alexander stays long after his wounds are healed. He slots into Andrew’s life like he had never left it. They talk for hours, late into the night, or they sit in comfortable silence. They walk the trap lines together. Every time Andrew travels to one of the settlements to trade, he knows that his house will be warm and welcoming when he returns.

They don’t become lovers this time. Alexander is not interested in sex and Andrew has been abstaining for so long that he doesn’t mind. After he lost Nathaniel, it hadn’t been the sex he had missed.

They share a bed for warmth; having Alexander close is enough.

Once again, it doesn’t last. The demand for fur from Britain brings hundreds of people over the sea to seek their fortunes. Andrew used to travel for days to find civilization, but the distance keeps growing shorter. Alexander’s face is more lined with every season and grey sprouts in his fire red hair. Andrew stays the same.

It hurts less when he can make the choice to leave. He is terrified that Alexander will discover his secret and resent him for living on while he grows old. He takes the coward’s way out. When he says goodbye, Alexander doesn’t know that Andrew doesn’t mean to return. He sends a letter once he’s far enough away that Alexander cannot follow and it has to be enough.

**5.**

Andrew is so sick of war. He’s seen so many, fought for money and power, and he has long lost his youthful zeal to be on the side of justice and righteousness, but as war sweeps the globe for the second time, Andrew has nowhere to hide.

He doesn’t want to be a soldier anymore, but when Hitler begins to imprison Jews, mistreating and slaughtering them in the name of the purity of his master race, Andrew knows what his place in this war is.

He knows how to be unobtrusive and it’s child’s play for him and his brother to get proper German papers. They’re perhaps a little short to be among Hitler’s Ubermensch, but their blond hair is enough to keep them from being targets.

They find another immortal early on. Kevin was executed for forgery and they put him to work making false papers for every Jew they rescue.

Renee and Katelyn act as organizers, finding contacts and planning routes to get people out of Germany and into Allied hands.

In 1943, Andrew receives an assignment to escort two people from Berlin. When he arrives at the meeting place, he is greeted by one familiar face.

“What’s your name?” Andrew asks, more harshly than he needs to.

“Abram,” he says.

“Why are you alone, Abram?” Andrew continues.

“My sister, Alyssa,” Abram gasps. “She was taken this afternoon. I don’t know where she is.”

“It’s not safe to stay here,” Andrew says. “I’ll escort you out and come back to find her.”

“It could be too late,” Abram argues. “She’ll probably be dead by then.”

Andrew hesitates, reminds himself again that no matter how familiar this face is, Nathaniel is long gone, but he still can’t refuse him.

“If this goes sideways,” Andrew says, “don’t look back. Just run.”

Abram nods. Andrew doesn’t believe him.

Abram is right; the only chance Alyssa has of surviving this is if they find her right away, before she’s either executed or sent to one of the concentration camps, greatly decreasing her opportunity for rescue.

Kevin has figured out a way of intercepting signals from the Germans’ handheld radios so he is their first destination. Alyssa is being held in the home of one of the officers until they ship her out tomorrow. There is no time to make a plan; they have to act quickly.

The last thing Andrew wants to do is bring Abram along but there is no place safe to leave him.

“Wait here,” Andrew whispers, pushing Neil to hide in an alcove in the back alley behind the officer’s home. “I’ll be back with your sister.”

At first, everything goes perfectly. Alyssa is alone in the room and Andrew can hear the sounds of revelry elsewhere. He unties her and boosts her through the window, and they run to meet Abram.

Disaster strikes almost immediately. A shout comes from behind them, a weight hits Andrew in the side, throwing him down, and a gunshot echoes in the air.

It happens far too quickly for Andrew to stop it. By the time he realizes the bullet was meant for him, Abram has already stepped in the way. The bullet enters his chest, nearly at the same point the arrow had taken him in his first life.

“Save my sister,” Abram whispers through bloodstained teeth.

“Fuck,” Andrew whispers. “Don’t.” He hovers over Abram, pushing down on his chest, frantic to stop the bleeding. Alyssa stands behind them in shock. Two more gunshots sound and Andrew feels a bullet tear through his brain.

This is the first time Andrew sees himself in a death vision. He is sprawled out on the ground at his own feet. The bullet that took his life had also thrown him back, away from Abram. He only has seconds to even think about running before another bullet takes him down. He sees his own face when his eyes open and he takes his first breath of air.

Andrew wakes. Alyssa wakes. Abram is gone.

**+1**

Andrew is so tired. He’s not even sure how long he’s been alive, but he knows it’s been too long. He’s alone for now. Katelyn and Aaron have been doing their happy little family schtick in every small town in America. Renee and Alyssa, or Allison, as she prefers now, are wandering. Andrew gets a postcard every now and then.

Kevin is...somewhere. Andrew isn’t sure which university he is currently attending or how many degrees he has now, but with unlimited time and identities, he will probably never get bored.

Andrew is lost in a world that doesn’t belong to him anymore. There are so few places left that are truly wild.

Pretty much the only perk of the modern world are the independent coffee shops that pop up in every city. Andrew mainlines sugar and caffeine and very carefully doesn’t look for a familiar face in every person he meets.

He ends up in a small town in North Carolina named Palmetto. It’s a university town and he must have arrived on a game day because everywhere he looks, he sees an eye-watering amount of orange and far too many fox paw motifs.

He finds himself in a coffee shop called the Foxhole. It’s small and homey, with overstuffed leather chairs in the corners and overflowing bookshelves beside them. The tables are worn smooth from use. Andrew takes a deep breath of coffee, chocolate, and cinnamon.

The barista turns and smiles. Andrew freezes; his order doesn’t make it past his lips. Nathaniel is there, bright blue eyes smiling, red hair a riot on top of his head. He has unfamiliar scars on his face, and his name tag reads _Neil_.

“What can I get for you?” Neil asks.

“Caramel Machiatto with an extra shot, extra whip, and extra caramel,” Andrew rattles off.

“Coming right up,” Neil says, taking Andrew’s money before he turns to make his drink.

Andrew wants to say something but he doesn’t know what. _Hi, you don’t know me but I’ve been in love with you for thousands of years._ Andrew shakes his head in frustration. Nothing has changed.

He doesn’t smile when he picks up his drink, immediately turning away to dump several extra packets of sugar in his cup.

“Excuse me, this might sound weird...” Neil’s voice comes from behind him, startling him. Andrew’s hand catches on the side of the counter where a bit of the tile had broken away and cuts open a deep gash.

“Oh shit,” Neil says. “I’ve told them a hundred times to fix that. Let me grab the first aid kit.”

Andrew tries to stop him but Neil has already disappeared into the kitchen. He looks down at his hand, expecting to see it already sealing up but it continues to bleed with no sign of stopping. He grabs a napkin and presses down hard, grunting at the pain. The bleeding slows but when he looks at the cut, it is still there.

Neil returns with the first aid kit. “I’m so sorry. Can I look at it?”

Neil doesn’t reach for his hand but waits for Andrew to make the first move. Neil’s hands are gentle as he cleans the cut and carefully bandages it. When he’s finished, he doesn’t immediately let go.

Andrew clears his throat as Neil continues to hold his hand. Neil doesn’t release him but looks up, staring into his eyes with a quizzical expression.

“You had a question for me,” Andrew prompts gently.

Neil nods. “It’s strange. I know we’ve never met, but when I look at you, I have all these memories. I know they never happened to me but I feel like they belong to me all the same.”

Andrew holds his breath. It’s impossible that Neil would remember his past lives, but this must mean something, the fact that Andrew finds Neil in every one of his lifetimes, that now, after all these thousands of years, Andrew is bleeding, bleeding and not healing.

Neil looks at him; his hands tremble. “Andreas?”


End file.
